I’m home from college (finally) and sitting in my living room in suburbia, watching Beauty and the Beast because it’s on ABC Family and every time it’s on I feel obligated.
So here I am, singing along to Tale as Old as Time, when I hear loud screaming coming from what sounded like my house.
At first I ignored it, because at the worst it was my younger brother fighting with his girlfriend, and that shit is kind of hilarious so I wasn’t about to stop it.
But then it got louder. So I’m all
And actually getting pissed because dude, I was right in the middle of belting about finding you can change and learning you were wrong.
But then, all that anger went away. Because you know what I saw? The fight of the century, compliments of this couple that came stalking through my backyard, in their pajamas.
And let me just say, I have lived in this neighborhood since I was 6, and I have NEVER seen these two people before. So who knows what other backyards they’ve been fighting in already today, and how long this argument has been going on.
So naturally I ran to the window like
ready to watch this shit. And I never found out exactly what was happening, but I do know that the girl was like
And she was totally ripping this guy, who I assume is about to become an ex-boyfriend, a new asshole.
And this poor dude is following her like
And screaming at the top of his lungs, “I just feel so emotionally abused right now”
Then this girl turned around and was like “shut the fuck up,” which was awesome but I think kind of proves his point. But whatever.
So I’m in the window like
when the guy finally realized that, you know, people live in houses and chances are some creepy person is going to be watching their fight like it’s a daytime soap opera.
And of course, that creep is me.
So this poor dude in his boxers realizes I’m standing in the window, and instead of being afraid or mad, he gets all embarrassed.
And embarrassment is a funny thing, because it makes you have the most illogical reactions because you’re freaking out so badly that honestly any action you can think of is better than acknowledging the fact that you’re embarrassed.
His reaction was to start screaming.
So now he’s about 15 steps behind the girl, who never even noticed him stopping, and he starts shouting at her, all the while looking RIGHT AT ME through my window.
And he’s like “oh, that’s really nice, just walking through other people’s yards. God, that’s just so typical JUST SO FUCKING TYPICAL”
To which the girl kind of was like
because even she, mid-fight, could tell that his embarrassed reaction was beyond strange.
And then he kind of just shook his head and followed her out of my yard, yelling still until they both walked through the neighbor’s yard and into the tiny patch of forest that’s by my house.
So, shout out to the guy in plaid boxers wandering the neighborhood and getting verbally bitch slapped. Good luck, bro.
He’s as into the drama as she is. If not he wouldn’t have been in someone else’s yard to begin with. Still a hilarious story, tho!