thisismyveritas:

When someone asks me why I almost always have a beard, I usually saying something random like: it protects my face from getting sunburned, or my girlfriend like the feeling of beard against her Hooha, or that it’s part of my Hasidic-Catholic beliefs. It’s too embarrassing to tell the truth and say that I almost always have a beard because I don’t know how to get a package of razorblades out of those clear-plastic-anti-theft-lock-boxes that they keep them in inside of the store, and I am too scared to ask a store-employee for help because I’m afraid they’d point at me and scream, “HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO GET THE RAZORBLADES OUT OF THE PLEXIGLASS-LOCK-BOXES, WHAT A FAG!” And I’d be like, “Hey that’s a derogatory word and we shouldn’t use it anymore.” And he’d be like, “WHATEVER FAG! WHY DON’T YOU GO HOME AND SHAVE YOUR BEARD, OHH THAT’S RIGHT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GET THE RAZORBLADES TO SHAVE WITH YA FAAAAAG!” And then I run home and cry into my beard.