assholedisney:

Today I had an 8am final. In Politics. Which I probably failed because I used an entire paragraph of my essay to talk about how much I like Michelle Obama’s arms.

Anyway.

So I was walking to the library to print off the cheat sheet we got to use, and I was kind of speed walking because I needed to pass this bitch that was like, ambling her way around campus.

Okay, I like to amble too, but I have things to do and finals to fail.

So I’m all

and I go to walk up the steps to our library and I wiped out.

And I mean WIPED. OUT. Like I fell, face first, scraped my knee, scraped by elbow, dropped all my shit, everything. Which was super embarrassing.

Then this guy that saw everything felt the need to check on me.

Which in retrospect was sweet of him, as I probably looked like I was having a stroke because I got all flustered and couldn’t pick anything up and just kind of stayed there.

But at the time I kept thinking

because, dude, I’m already embarrassed and I’m late to my final and I want to die and my arm kind of hurts.

But the difference between me and a normal person is that a normal person would be like “yep, I’m good, thanks for asking.” Whereas I started pretending I was deaf.

Why did my brain decide that was an appropriate reaction? I wish I could tell you.

And like, deafness would not affect my ability to walk up the fucking stairs into the library.

But at that point, I was committed, and you can’t just start talking after indicating that you’re deaf. It would have probably been weirder to just suddenly smile and be like “IT’S A MIRACLE,” you know?

So I was stuck in my lie. And for the next minute, I just kind of sat on the library steps while he asked if I was okay and kept and miming things at him and mouthing words. 

I’m like, 99% sure I mouthed “I’m fine, thanks,” but who knows. He probably heard “I want pancakes” or something else that makes no sense.

So basically, today’s fake deafness incident just proves that I still have no real grasp normal human reactions.